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BAD WEEK…….posted by Greg
Some weeks are worse than others. This week was bad.
On Monday we officially enrolled in the Home Hospice program with Hospice of the Valley. The nurse and chaplin who came by for our orientation were very pleasant. They explained that hospice allows you be at home when you pass away instead of spending your last days in a hospital. I never want to be a patient in a hospital again. With so few days left that would be a terrible waste. From now on if I have any health problems we call hospice instead of going to the doctor or even calling 911. They explained everything very matter of factly right up until my death. It was very sobering and as Dana said “it made it real”.
Later that night a driver from a pharmacy dropped off a bag with valium and morphine. They want us to be ready.
Tuesday we made what was probably our last visit to the Stanford Cancer Clinic as a patient. I told Doctor Colevas that we would not be trying anymore chemo-therapy treatments. The last 2 did nothing to slow the growth of the tumors but had adverse side effects. My feet are still always numb from the strong chemo I was on for so long.
From the hospital we went to the XXX District Office to talk with Human Resources. We spent another hour signing papers, finding out about benefits, finding out what happens after April 14th when (the place I cannot mention) stops paying my salary and it hopefully switches to an insurance company sending us a check in time. We talked about bringing in certified death certificates after I’m gone so Dana can get my final paycheck. We have been trying for over 6 weeks to get an accelerated death benefit which allows us to use some of my life insurance money while I’m still alive but we seem to be getting resistance from Human Resources to us doing that. I can’t figure out why. It’s the insurance company’s money, not theirs. We left with stacks of papers to fill out quickly if we didn’t want a lapse in my pay.
These weren’t the bad days yet.
On Thursday a visiting nurse stopped by and spent over 2 hours telling us what each of the medications they were leaving did and how to administer them. She described to Dana 4 or 5 of the most likely situations to expect in graphic detail and told Dana what she would have to do in each case. It seemed to go on forever. In most of the cases, I was assured, I would be unconcious and didn’t have to worry about what to do. I have trouble thinking of Dana alone in the apartment holding my lifeless body. She needs to be so strong.
Within minutes of her departure a social worker showed up and we went over all of our financial situation and talked about spiritual support. They’ll be stopping by every week. That night Dana and I sat on the couch wrapped in each others arms and cried.
Friday the delivery guy showed up with 3 medical machines for sucking out mucous and blood, to keep my mouth and lungs moist and one to help me breath. They also dropped off 2 tanks of oxygen.
Tomorrow is Saturday and Dana and I are going to San Francisco to see some of our friends in Blue Rabbit perform at Café Du Nord. We are so looking forward to it. Sunday will be mixed emotions as we attend a Birthday party for a dear friend of Dana’s. He too is suffering from the final stages of cancer and we can only hope that each visit isn’t our last.
So far next week looks better.
Some weeks are worse than others. This week was bad.
my thoughts & appreciation to everyone
Greg
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